Right?!? I recently visited the McDonald’s drive thru in a pinch. In my hangry state, I convinced myself it was my only option. I can’t possibly grab a cheese stick and an apple – I MUST get McDonald’s!
I pulled up to the window and this is exactly, word for word, what I said: “I would like a grilled chicken wrap with honey mustard instead of ranch, please.” What I got was different than what I actually ordered. Shocker! When I opened the bag, mid-drive headed back to work, I discovered not one wrap but two. I got a little excited at first, not gonna lie… The first wrap was fried chicken, slathered in ranch. I swear they added extra ranch just to spite me. The second was also a fried chicken wrap, also slathered in ranch. Nestled between my two wraps were packets of honey mustard…
There are two circumstances in which I will allow myself to hit up the McDonald’s drive thru. The first is extreme hunger – my hangry state of mind. It makes me delirious. It is almost always brought on by a road trip with no other available option in sight. The second is extreme hangover. I consider McDonald’s to be my food equivalent of rock bottom. Only in extreme circumstances will I allow myself this guilty indulgence.
In the rare cases that I do venture to the Mickey D’s drive thru, I expect a certain level of customer service. As in, basic listening skills. Allow me to elaborate. I don’t want Bella, the waspy teenage part-timer who calls me ma’am. I want Vickie, the seasoned vet who calls me hun and probably has McDonald’s health insurance. Vickie knows what’s up and never lets me down.
And have you ever had the pleasure of observing the retirement crowd (and when I say retirement crowd, I mean my mother) in front of you trying to read the changing menu screen? Sheer panic! I imagine the inner dialogue to go something like this: “Where is the filet-o-fish sandwich listed? Because, seriously who else orders the fish sandwich at McDonald’s? I can’t find it listed! There it is! No, that’s the meal! The screen just changed, it’s gone now. Great! Why does that screen have to change? I’m going to complain to the manager. There it is! Oh wait, how many calories? What’s the price? The screen changed again!” 20 minutes passes before deciding if they want to pay the $4 for the fish sandwich that they have literally ordered a hundred other times. Are you not going to order it if it’s $4.50 today? Easy now big spender! And who cares about the calories lady – IT’S MCDONALDS! What do you expect? It’s deep fried in lard anyway – does it really matter if it’s 400 or 500 calories? It is decidedly NOT good for you. Not today, not tomorrow and definitely not next Tuesday.
In conclusion: McDonald’s, I will be on strike for several months, but you know I’ll be back…no matter how many times you mess up my order…I’ll be back…
See ya on the next post.
-The Chic(ish) Chick