It seems everyone is posting a Valentine’s Day gift guide these days. What to get your man, what to get your lady…what to get your dog. Seriously, it’s a thing. It’s amazing what people will buy for their dogs these days. Just the other day, I saw an ad for a dog purse. What a dog could possibly have that would necessitate a purse is beyond me. Included in these posts are various items that are always several shades of pink, red and everything in between. I’m sorry to say you won’t get that from me today.
I did some very sophisticated “market research” and found that feelings on the holiday really varies. Depending on who you ask, the scale ranges from the very excited, lovey-dovey, stars in their eyes type to pure blind rage. My feeling on the holiday ranks right up there along with Flag Day and George Washington’s Birthday. The thing is, my husband and I don’t really give each other gifts anymore outside of birthdays and even then, it’s spotty at best. With all the hype surrounding what many call a ‘Hallmark Holiday’ I find myself wondering, “Are we the only couple in America that doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s day?”
Now, I will tell you that I am lucky enough to be married to a man that makes me laugh every single day. I appreciate this more than flower deliveries or boxes of chocolate. I feel it’s unfair not to share this with the world and rather than write him a love letter, I decided to start a new segment called “Sh*t My Husband Says” as a tribute to him. The following is a list of direct quotes, taken place over the course of several months.
- “I hate it when I’m trying to sop up the extra pasta sauce with this crusty bread. You can’t get all sauce like you can with other breads. This just isn’t the way God intended.”
- My Facebook post: “That moment when you get an email saying your package was delivered but you don’t remember ordering anything.” Husband: “I like your post today. I can generally tell it is our house by all the packages on the door step.”
- I ordered Home Chef and the meal was chicken pesto pizza with arugula on top. Husband’s review of pizza: “It’s like eating a hot salad on pita bread.”
- “Anyone who doesn’t like spaghetti is an asshole.”
- Me: “Do you like blueberry goat cheese?!? I bought some at Trader Joe’s today!” Husband: “I have never heard those three words together in same sentence before.”
- Husband: “The amount of selfies taken for this blog of yours is ridiculous.” Me: “It’s not a selfie, it’s a boomerang.” Husband: “I don’t know or care what that is.”
- Husband: “What is this? You bought ANOTHER throw pillow?” Me: “Yes, it spoke to me.” Husband: “Yeah and you know what it said? Haha! Gotcha now, b*tch!”
- Husband: “You are constantly changing the sheets.” Me: “Yeah, I change them once a week.” Husband: “ONCE A WEEK?!?”
I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this segment because I’ll be bringing you more Brian-isms from time to time. Like I said, it wouldn’t be fair for me to not share this with the world.
And Husband, if you’re reading this…skip the roses on Valentine’s Day. I’ll have a dozen donuts instead!
See ya on the next post!
-The Chic(ish) Chick