Listen. We all have likes and dislikes when it comes to the latest fashion trends. Some of you reading this right now may not always like my fashion choices. For example, I polled my friends over on Instagram about a sequin blazer I was debating a few months ago. Should I buy it or should I not buy it? My mom responded to my poll saying that the jacket looked like it belonged on a circus performer. My life as a teenager flashed in front of me and “teen Megs” immediately took over my being. It was like an adolescent alien was inside of me, took complete control over my body and handed my credit card to the store clerk faster than my thumbs could type back an equally sarcastic comeback. In hindsight, “It’s Britney, B*tch!” would have been a good one but there is zero chance she would have gotten the reference. (Britney’s Circus album for those of you hanging out in the dark with Moms. It’s fine, she loves company.) While I may have blacked out for the duration of the transaction, I left the store with no regrets.
Look, it’s basically my job to keep up on the latest trends, but that doesn’t mean I want to participate in all of them. If you’ve been with me since the inception of the blog, God bless you. You may or may not remember the inaugural ‘Trends I Don’t Understand’ post. If not, you can peep it here. I stand by the entirety of that post…except one. The belt bag. I know, I know. Some of the newer square and rectangle shapes have really grown on me and while I have yet to purchase one, I do like them. The traditional, oddly shaped bags however, can go by the wayside at any point. I don’t care what new name they come up with or what high end luxury logo they slap on it, a fanny pack is a fanny pack. I’m pretty sure my stepdad still has his original pack in the closet somewhere. And, I guarantee inside said fanny pack is a roll of negatives from our summer family vacation to the Omaha Zoo, circa 1995…
*Photo of me with my family. As you can see, I was fully on board the fanny pack trend. These are the shapes of the new belt bags that I wish would go away. The head of my stepdad has been cropped out to protect his identity. His look really hasn’t changed much since the photo was taken. If this photo isn’t the quintessential Midwest 90’s family photo, I don’t know what is!
The following examples are simply my opinions and they are not intended to offend anyone. I know I wear some trends you may not care for, but that’s not going to stop me nor should my opinions stop you. I hope you can see the humor in these much like I could see the humor in my mom’s opinion of my new fabulous blazer.
- Not only are belt bags still a thing, but girls are wearing them over their shoulder and across their body, basically on the side of their boob. Boob bag is what they should be called. I don’t get this. I am willing to overlook something that’s a little less than flattering in exchange for practicality, but this is neither flattering or practical. I guess if you were breast feeding and needed a convenient place to store your pump, this would come in super handy. Outside of that very specific instance, I can’t think of a single reason why this is a good idea. And trust me, I have given this a lot of thought.
- Dad sneakers. I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. Hey I get it. Heels hurt my feet too. You will rarely find me in a heel. Wanna know what you’ll NEVER find me in? Dad sneakers. There is a Balenciaga pair currently retailing for $995. The same $995 that is five dollars less than ONE THOUSAND dollars. I’m calling it right now: the fall line of dad sneaks are going to have a green ring around the lower half, imitating grass stains. My husband actually already has those in his possession so if anyone reading this wants to buy his for $995, I’ll throw in free shipping and a coupon for a free cactus blossom at Texas Road House. This guy was smart and opted for the black version.
- Socks with shoes/socks with sandals. Why are all the new trends things I begged my stepdad not to wear growing up? Not on board no matter how cute your socks, shoes or sandals may be individually.
- Giant turban style headbands. I’m a fan of headbands in general. If done correctly, they can look incredibly chic. But they often times hurt my head. Not to mention, when I put on a headband I look 12, so that might be part of my problem. I find these particular styles to be quite ridiculous looking.
- Spandex bike shorts with long blazers. Like, maybe if you’re actually biking to the office. Maybe. The two just don’t go together. They are in two completely different categories and have no business being together, even though they both hold value independently. To me, mixing the two is kind of like squeezing ketchup on a chocolate chip cookie. Ew. It ain’t happenin. Now just try to get that visual out of your head.
- Clear, plastic handbags. There was a collective groan from women across the US when stadiums started changing their handbag policies from “all bags allowed” to “only clear, plastic bags or wallet sized pouches.” This can only lead me to believe there is a direct correlation between high end designers and stadium policy handlers. Evil geniuses, that’s what they are.
- Scrunches. Out of principle and respect for Carrie Bradshaw, I cannot bring myself to run around town in a scrunchie.
- This last one is not fashion related. But it’s my next favorite F category: food. Get your mind out of the gutter. Deviled eggs on menus selling for roughly $17 an egg. Deviled eggs are undoubtedly a potluck staple. There is nothing gourmet about a deviled egg, I don’t care how many truffles you forage and grate on top. What’s next? Pickle wraps? Pigs in a blanket? Marshmallow salad? How bout no.
I can’t wait to see what trends 2019 brings!
See ya next time!
-The Chic(ish) Chick
*All gifs sourced from giphy.com.